Something weighing on me

I don't really know why I have the feeling to write about this, but I do. It is about serving missions. I am so grateful for missionary service of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If it were not for a friend of mine doing missionary service and inviting me to church, I would not have the blessings that I have today. She went on to serve a full-time mission and I'm sure changed other people's lives also. If it were not for the examples I had in high school of all the members of the church that were my friends my testimony may not have grown like it has. I am so grateful for all the sister missionaries that taught me from the beginning and for a whole year until I was able to be baptised. I am absolutely amazed by all of my friends that went on missions. Sometimes I wonder about all the lives they have changed by letting the Lord work through them. I was a stake missionary when I was in the singles ward and it was wonderful to aid the full-time missionaries in their service and see people's reaction to the message we had. I have the opportunity now to feed and continue to help the missionaries of our little but growing branch. Thanks to missionaries that were recently in Madison and listening so wholly to the spirit, my mother has accepted the invitation of baptism!!! Next week is her baptism and I couldn't be more excited for her. Who knows all of the missionaries that have influenced her change of heart. Missionaries not only on full-time missions, but missionaries like my husband, my husbands family, my daughter, and hopefully me. Joe's brother Dusty going on a mission was a strength to me. We missed him a lot, but we would not have wanted him to change his decision for anything. Hopefully my point is getting across that I love missionary service. I love it because it is what we are here for; to serve the Lord and to serve others.

The thing that has been weighing on me is how the church says that ALL worthy young men should serve a full-time mission. I don't necessarily disbelieve this, but have had a unique experience. My husband has been a member of the church all of his life. He prepared himself all of his life to serve a mission. When he was 18 he started submitting his papers to serve a mission. At that point he felt the Lord was telling him that it was not his call to serve a full-time mission right then. He met with his bishop on various occasions and they came up with the same feelings of the spirit. He said that when word got out that he wasn't going on a mission, it was like he was the red-headed step child of the ward. He said people would give him all kinds of looks; looks of disgust, disappointment, and astonishment. I guess it didn't help that his dad had been bishop for the 10 years prior and had just been released. For some reason members think that a bishops family must fit into the same mold.



When I met Joe, he had been 19 for about 4 months. When I found out he was 19 I was adamant that he was going to serve a mission. I thought he was just being stubborn when he would say that he wasn't going to serve a mission, because it had been drilled into my head that ALL worthy young men should serve a full-time mission, even being a new member. Two months after we met, he officially asked me to marry him. It had been weighing on me even then about him not serving a mission, but when I prayed(& prayed, & prayed...) I knew it was right to marry him. I remember one time going over to his parents house sometime in the two months between the time we met and were engaged. His mother made a comment like, "You do know girls are supposed to encourage boys to serve their missions, right?" That really hurt me. Did I know that?!! I was number one at encouraging and pushing guys to serve their missions.

It has been so hard for Joe to follow what he was essentially commanded. We don't know why he wasn't supposed to go, but how can he deny the Lord? Joe was not a rebel & he didn't go astray. He always attended church and did everything he knew was right. He graduated seminary and had more than all intentions of going on a mission. Latter-day Saints should understand the power of personal revelation. True personal revelation and counsel supersedes other revelation and counsel. Joe has often told me that it would have been easier to go than to go through all of the redicule that he has gone through. That is sad. It really is.

What got me on this soap box lately was two things. First, Joe's brother came to speak in our branch one Sunday to give a talk about his mission because the topic was service. After he was done, the Stake President stood up and wanted to say something before we ended. He said he didn't know why he had come to our branch that morning, but he wanted to correct something Dusty had said. Dusty had said that to all the young men, if you have a desire to serve a mission that you should serve because it was a great experience(paraphrased). The Stake President said that ALL should get a desire and serve a mission, and that in his opinion it was also a good idea for young girls as well but that that was not doctrine. Joe is the 1st counselour in the branch presidency and he told me later he was so upset that he almost walked out that day. Luckily he didn't just for the embarrassement factor because where he sits everyone would have noticed. You can have desire to do something but if it isn't God's will you shouldn't just do it anyway. I know the Stake President was right in many cases where young men are lazy about gaining their testimony and getting prepared before time to go on their full-time mission. You should not just assume that someone does not have desire just because they don't serve a mission, though.

The second thing was a few weeks ago, but after the above story, Joe's mom and I were talking and somewhere in the conversation she said "I wish he had gone on a mission." I guess she feels like if he had gone on a mission he would be able to find a better job or career(since that is what we were talking about). It is arrogant to say someone should have served a mission solely for selfish purposes. Joe has had discussion after discussion with her. I made the mistake of telling him what she had said. Feeling like your parents are disappointed in you, at any age, is a horrible feeling especially when you know what you have done is the correct thing. I know because I felt that way when I joined the church. My mom was very disappointed, but I could not deny what I knew was true. I relate Joe's experience about going on a mission and my joining the church to that of Joseph Smith. When he saw the pillar of light and the two personages which were Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and Heavenly Father told him not to join any of the other churches, how could he deny it?! He couldn't because he knew what he had seen and felt, and Heavenly Father knew what Joseph Smith had seen and felt. Neither could we in either situation. Heavenly Father did not show himself to us before our eyes, but he did show himself to us in our heart and mind. Yes, even the Holy Ghost.

I will get off of my soap box now, but I hope I have made some sense. Always listen to the Great One and you can never do the wrong thing. That doesn't mean that you'll have a great job & it doesn't mean you'll have a new car, but it does mean that you'll be taken care of and your needs will be met. Have faith, take appropriate action. Faith and works. Pray and listen. The gospel is simple.